Lucky You Live Hawaii

In case you’re unaware, the people who live in Hawaii are traditionally non-complainers. The person you complain about will shore ’nuff turn out to be cousin Bully’s girlfriend. Or her Auntie. So Hawaiians just let things be.
That said, I am loathe to complain about our new postal carrier. (The guy who used to do our route had the nerve to retire after thirty years. He was German. Precise. Sigh…) So we have this new, Local, female carrier.
Suddenly, days are going by where we are getting no mail, which is the first tip-off that something is hinky. Especially since I’d ordered four books for a course I am taking. Where are they?
Then out of the blue, we get mail for three different families in our box. Not just one. Three. Excuse me, but isn’t that a violation of some type of right-to-your-own-mail statute?
So I chase the mail truck down the street.
I puff up to the truck and tell her, “Here. This mail goes to three different houses. It’s not ours.”
She shrugs. In Pidgin: “Ho! I’m new, you know.”
Me: “But also, our Netflix DVD didn’t arrive for four days. You must have delivered it to the wrong address, because some kind soul put in our mailbox on a SUNDAY morning.”
More shrugs and a laugh. “I’m new.”
I press: “But we PAY for Netflix. When it sits at someone else’s house for four days, we are paying for that time.”
She ha-haha-ed again and drove off.
Rule #1 in Hawaii: If someone doesn’t understand you because of a language barrier (or just doesn’t feel like helping you) they will nod, and say “Yes, yes” like they know exactly what you’ve said, and that they intend to do it. Then they will go on about their business and you will get no help.
Rule #2: If there’s trouble or a situation is tense, they just laugh. And it’s perfectly acceptable. (Sigh.)

Round one: Mail Lady, one . Me: zero.

This week, I realized that a book I ordered on January 3 still hadn’t arrived. Hmmmm… Then I’m at my friend’s house and she comments that she has a new mail lady. MY mail lady. As Dr. Phil would say, “How’s that workin’ out for you?”
My friend frowns: “Strangest thing – we don’t seem to be getting any mail.”
I’ve heard stories about whole attics full of mail being discovered because a postal worker was too lazy to deliver it. My scalp prickles.

Here’s an oddity about Maui… I’ve lived lots of places, but have never seen anything like it: the postal workers don’t get out of their trucks and walk deliveries to your door. They sit in their trucks and HONK. You’re expected to trot outside and fetch your own package.

Invariably, I am in my nightie, or in the middle of a workout, sweating… or just pulling a cake out of the oven – but still, I trot outside. (In fact, I don’t think there has ever been a time that I was fully dressed and sitting around drinking a cup of tea of something, when I needed to do this trotting.) If you don’t appear, they will actually get out of the truck, but they’re not a bit happy about it, because now they’re doing YOUR job!

So last week, I don’t trot quite fast enough. I skid to the front door in time to see her hopping back into the truck. I stare blankly. She sees me and yells out, “I wen’ slid it under da garage door!” ( Because obviously, it was way too much effort to walk the 15 extra steps to the front door.) I go into the garage and retrieve the package.

Now…a new week. Hope springs eternal. The carrier honks, and I trot outside (at least I’m getting my exercise.) She has my book, but now I notice that she has abandoned the regulation uniform and is wearing a pink tank top. A large dragon tattoo trails from her neck down her entire arm. Hmmm. Surely she’s supposed to wear a uniform?

I shudder to think of the myriad of ways this renegade postal employee can run amok.
But will I complain? Of course not.
As they say in Pidgin, “Lucky you live Hawaii!”

A hui hou! Mahalo for reading along. If you’d like to stay in the loop, please click the “Follow” button on the bottom right of the Homepage.

Aloha, Jamaica

6 thoughts on “Lucky You Live Hawaii

  1. I’ve been having the same problem on the westside lately. Lucky she has you and not me, because I HAVE been complaining. Thank god for tracking!! Good luck 😉

  2. So what would you guys recommend when it comes to important packages and yes by important I mean Netflix ; )
    Seriously though, as I’ll be working from home there important items that will be shipped to me occasionally from my company. Would you recommend just getting a PO box? Seems like an expense I’d rather avoid if I could.

    • Aloha Kenneth,
      I do have a PO Box, and think it’s very wise. The Netflix comes to the house because sometimes I don’t go to my PO Box for three or four days. I personally feel you’re better off with FedEx or UPS to the house. Just be aware though… “Overnight” is never overnight to Hawaii, no matter how much you pay!
      Aloha, Jamaica

  3. Ugh, what a nightmare! I order online frequently because I hate dragging kids shopping. I’d freak if a mail carrier messed with my packages. I’m constantly obsessing over tracking #s.

    • Aloha Cynthia,
      Yes, the shipping to Hawaii would probably make you crazy.
      Also, in visiting your blog and seeing how well you dress: People who dress well in Hawaii are somehow considered suspect. (They think you’re a tourist even if you live here.) I have always enjoyed just looking nice and well dressed… And am usually overdressed for a trip to the grocery store, Kaiser, etc. here, just in daily life. There’s also the “have and have not” issue. The most extreme example that I ever saw of this was sitting in a waiting room and watching what appeared to be a grandmother with a toddler who was dressed to the absolute nine’s with gorgeous blonde curls, shiny shoes, etc. No sooner had they gone by, than a local family came in with a toddler the same age wearing only a diaper, who was dirty and barefoot.
      So I have dialed the fashion thing way back, partly out of necessity because it’s hard to find anything here anyway, and shipping is as we discussed, a nightmare.
      Aloha! Jamaica

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